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I’ve got a couple of recommendations for you this evening, beginning with the Murphy’s Irish Stout. If you know one Irish beer, it’s Guinness Extra Stout, but if you know two, then you know Murphy’s Irish Stout. Murphy’s is brewed in Cork, Ireland, and like its Dublin counterpart, is notable for containing nitrogen. Tonight’s particular Murphy’s was poured straight from a can (!!!) and injected with nitrogen via the legendary widget, which can also be found in cans and bottles of Guinness. Murphy’s has a nice, creamy head that starts the drinking experience off smoothly. Imagine a root beer float after the ice cream has been melted and you’ll have an idea of the consistency of head we’re talking here. The body is full and dark, but not bitter. It goes down shockingly smooth, leaving a pleasant, slightly chocolate-y aftertaste. A delicious beverage.

The Rogue Shakespeare Stout, on the other hand, is one of the biggest, bitterest son of a bitch beers I’ve ever had, and every sip is better than the last. Brewed by Rogue Ales of Oregon, the Shakespeare Stout is an in-your-face beer that dares you not to love it. Lightweights will bristle at its overwhelming flavor, but for anyone ready to love a beer for its ballsiness, this is welcome treat. A man’s beer if there ever was one, the Shakespeare Stout is blacker than a steer’s tuckus on a moonless prairie night, and bears the name of the Bard with pride, as evidenced by the not-Shakespeare declaring solidarity with his beer brethern that adorns the bottle. Rogue has quite a few other brilliant beers as well, and you can bet that you’ll be seeing a few of them in this space in the near future. Until then, do as Shakespeare advised, and drink up, because a good beer is a terrible thing to waste.

Take a gander at that fellow to the right. Who is he? French fashion model? German modern artist? The new face of Calvin Klein? No, that’s Sean Avery, hockey player. Doesn’t quite look the part? Well, that makes a good deal of sense. Avery doesn’t act like a regular NHL player. That would be beneath a self-proclaimed “fashionhorse” like him.

Avery achieved a measure of fame recently over comments about ex-girlfriends dating other hockey players. Suspended for six games, he returned to the Dallas Stars only to find that his teammates didn’t want him around anymore. He’s currently being locked out of the League by an organization that would rather pay him money to sit at home than have him put on a Stars jersey and pretend to represent them. Unreasonable? Not when we’re talking about Sean Avery.

Avery is notable for being the namesake of “The Avery Rule.” During a Stanley Cup Playoffs game last season, Avery decided that his time would be best spent standing two feet away from goaltender Martin Brodeur, facing him, and waving his arms and stick wildly in an attempted distraction right out of an epileptic disco. Officials were stunned. Players were embarrassed. The following day, NHL management issued a statement ruling that Avery’s behavior was punishable under the League’s definition of unsportsmanlike conduct, perhaps in an attempt to protect him from making an ass of himself in the future.

Don Cherry described Avery thusly: “I’ve known this kid since he was about 16 years old; once a jerk, always a jerk.” Truer words may never have been spoken, and Avery continues to make a joke of himself around the League. His aspiration, it seems, is to turn the NHL into the sort of sideshow that the NBA has long since become – one where colorful personalities and a degernate culture supercede sportsmanship and quality play. Keep in mind that the NHL is the only major sports league in the United States to present an annual award for sportsmanship and gentlemanly conduct – the Lady Byng Memorial Trophy. Sportsmanship is an integral part of the NHL’s identity, and extends throughout the hockey world. One of the greatest joys I found in playing hockey for several years was that it is in many ways designed to breed character in its players. Clearly, there are exceptions to this rule, including Sean Avery.

Sean Avery does not understand that the NHL is not his own personal sideshow, nor does he seem to comprehend that there is no place in professional hockey for the sort of antics that fly in the NBA and the NFL. He is now right where he should be – off the ice and away from the game, with no team rushing to pick him up. He is an embarrassment to hockey. Sean Avery is a joke of a human being. Tell your friends.